Love or hurt? Death or life?
by angelbabyy17
Summary: Edward and Bella learn they get along as friends in more than one way. I suck at summaries i kno, but i think its pretty good wen u read it. rated M for lemons in all chapters, this is one of my first so please review and comment


I can't believe you missed my triumph to babysit Renesmee."

"Oh, she isn't so little anymore."

A palm swats his arm, violently, and Edward Cullen smirks just because he can. He understood right away the kind of girl Tanya was set to become, and he still has the feeling that no one else -not even Emmett, who was so close to her, or Jasper, with his accidental bouts of intelligence- is on that particular page just yet.

The truth is that Tanya is not like Bella or like Rosalie. Tanya has cunning and ambition like the former but craves the thrill of danger like the latter, yet there are dark, hungry spaces inside the smaller blonde that the untrained eye can easily miss. Edawrd knows those spaces, having explored them in himself far too often. He thinks he somehow recognized the echoes of them at their first meeting, in Renesmee's coy smile and bashful gaze. He knew then she wanted to play him, to use him to get her pretty face by flirting a bit, giving out little in return.

He remembers how that got him angry, the way Tanya's coldness and sudden loathing did in the damned Palace kitchen

Sometimes he wonders why he must remember so clearly those chilling moments of rage when coke and his happy pills were supposed to send reality away. Drugs never really kept that promise, but they had twisted him into a caricature of himself, and he no longer understands how he could welcome that change.

Yet it used to come easily, with the self-hate and the anger and the being alone, craving nothing but his own self -destruction.

It's still strange for Edward, to realize he no longer hates himself, even with the stark memories of the ugly things he has done, the remorse and regrets.

He knows he is undeserving of this alien peace he has casually found, but that doesn't stop him from enjoying it with abandon. He drinks in the sight of Bella Swan undressing slowly, glowing with that sense of victory that becomes her so well. Knowing he doesn't deserves her no longer poisons his mood, because he is pretty much certain no better man could adore this woman like he does and she deserves to be loved in that consuming way she has dreamed of since forever.

Admiring her bare legs as her skirt slides down to the floor, the only place he desires to disappear into is between them, no longer the void.

"If you didn't get bored, doesn't this mean I no longer need to make up to you for it? "

"Perhaps I wasn't bored, but I was very annoyed. I would say that is worth even more compensation. "

He can say she is thrilled by the intensity of his focus on her. Bella is the most beautiful when she is happy, and it's been a while since last time he has seen her so satisfied with herself.

Seeing her like this is enough to make him forget all about Tanya, the way she has reminded him of himself, the loathing for his peers, and the boredom that used to push him to seek the edge.

Bella tilts her head to the side, taking notice of the tension in his shoulders as he sits leaning back on his bed, even while she diligently unbuttons her shirt. "Are you tired, Mr. Cullen? "She asks, and her tone is flirtatious even if the question doesn't truly mean it to be.

"Not too tired to celebrate my queen"

"Good answer," she straddles him and for a moment it's _still_ so strange that the pale, soft lines of her half-naked body are just as inviting as the hint of fondness in her voice and in her smirk.

There's a depth in the level of comfort that Bella's beauty brings to him that belies the natural simplicity of sex. He unclasps her bra and takes her breasts in his hands to let go of everything else.

There's only Bella, the shiver of pleasure she can't suppress at his gentle fondling of her tits and the sweet skin of her throat under his burning lips. _Home,_ if he has ever found one.

It's a bit startling when he finds himself pushed back hard until he is lying down and her face is hovering over his.

"What would you say" - she adds in a breathy, sensuous drawl as her forehead leans on his - "if I broke to you that the two most judgmental people we know recently had a threesome with Alice Cullen? "

Edward frowns, put off by the unexpected source of her unexpected amusement. "I would say I'm disturbed you are bringing it up _now_. Then I would add that has beaten you to the punch. I have never heard him so giddy while talking about someone else's sex life. He was literally laughing his head off about the whole matter. "

Actually, Jacob called something like two seconds after he left Mike to his devices, barely containing his glee over the other boy's inexperience and the mental pictures of the petite pixie-like girl boxing out Rosalie with her loudness. Who would ever know that the odd relationship between Jasper and Jacob would end up being so entertaining? Yet, seeing those two boys playing friends while mutually looking down on each other for their very different reasons fills Edward himself with a certain pleased giddiness.

Bella huffs, half-rising upon him, her pelvis sliding against his as her back arches. "Leave It to the Jack-ass to be more oblivious than Jacob with this kind of stuff. Even _I_ know the third party is supposed to be a stranger. His stupid hormones almost ruined my show!"

Edward rolls his eyes and sighs in mock offense, his hands caressing his distracted girlfriend's side. "Well, I'm glad I have educated you and Jacob so well, but I'm starting to think you keep talking about all these other men for a reason."

His smile twists into a wince while her nails dig in his shoulder "Please, I have _taste, _Cullen."-she snips, right before the suggestion lights up her brown eyes with a wicked delight- "although I'm sure Jacob would totally love being your bitch."

"Now I'm _really_ worried."

He is not at all, and he is not frowning anymore as her fingers diligently open his shirt. In fact, he is nearly smiling, all the ugly thoughts relinquished, and he strongly suspects that was her purpose all along.

"You know I'm so right that it scares you. If we had ever been so stupid to have a 'sharing phase', I would be fighting for your affections now."

Her cool, soft palms caress his bare chest, making him feel so…clean somehow, like nothing bad could ever touch him again. "Perhaps I should reconsider then. I hear that Jacob Black has a lot to offer. And his family _adores_ me."

Bella pouts enticingly, a moment before her red lips descend to soothe the nipple her nails just scraped.

"But I'm more imaginative, trust me."

"Imagination is a quality I value a lot." He murmurs, closing his eyes in nothing but pure enjoyment while her hot mouth travels lower, from his sternum to his stomach, his hand fisting her silky hair.

"And this is why you won't complain when I shackle you to the bedpost" she murmurs back, grinning mischievously on his skin, and Edward sighs.

He has indeed found the _perfect_ woman.


End file.
